Despair

Overcome with Despair
Staring into the distance
As if looking for the light
At the end of a gloomy tunnel.

But I can't see anything
But the darkness ahead.

I look for a light
A warmth
Something!
Something that can tell me
That there is more to life
then anxious agony.

I look.
And I look.
And I find lights.
Lights that brighten the day.
But they are no more then matches.
And soon they are again hidden from view.
And I am left with nothing but an empty tunnel
And the desire to scream my agony to the dark spirits that accompany me.

I've lost it.
Dignity.
I was a soldier.
I was proud.
I was strong.
I would hold my head high no matter the challenge.
But I can't any longer.

Where are the arms I need right now?
Where are the eyes I need to see?
Where is the love I need to feel?
Before despair takes control of me?

But I've already lost.
I screamed into the night.
I cried myself to sleep.
My head isn't held high anymore,
Because it's too busy being dropped in shame.

Depression makes every word
From the people I hurt
Into a sharp piercing night
Thrust into my heart.
And I welcome it.

I hurt them.
Now let my heart bleed.

Somewhere there is a light.
Somewhere there is the love.
Somwhere there are the arms that will hold me
Like a weak child.
That's what I need.
But I don't have it.
I only have agony.
And despair.